A Christmas Carol
by G. K. Chesterton
The Christ-child lay on Mary's lap,
His hair was like a light.
(O weary, weary were the world,
But here is all alright.)
The Christ-child lay on Mary's breast
His hair was like a star.
(O stern and cunning are the kings,
But here the true hearts are.
The Christ-child lay on Mary's heart,
His hair was like a fire.
(O weary, weary is the world,
But here the world's desire.)
The Christ-child stood on Mary's knee,
His hair was like a crown,
And all the flowers looked up at Him,
And all the stars looked down.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
A season to consider the 1st coming (advent) of Christ and patiently ponder His 2nd.
Christ is coming. He has come, and He will come again. This is the message of Advent.
Though Advent is often neglected in many contemporary churches, it has a long history of remembrance. It is a season of waiting, a time of anxious and eager anticipation for the coming (advent) of Christ to His bride.
Though it overlaps with modern Christmas celebrations, it is quite different. Whereas Christmas tends to be a season of noise and commotion, Advent is a time to slow down and reflect. It is a season to consider the first coming of Christ and patiently ponder His second.
copied from
http://www.thevillagechurch.net/the-village-blog/advent-at-the-village/
Though Advent is often neglected in many contemporary churches, it has a long history of remembrance. It is a season of waiting, a time of anxious and eager anticipation for the coming (advent) of Christ to His bride.
Though it overlaps with modern Christmas celebrations, it is quite different. Whereas Christmas tends to be a season of noise and commotion, Advent is a time to slow down and reflect. It is a season to consider the first coming of Christ and patiently ponder His second.
copied from
http://www.thevillagechurch.net/the-village-blog/advent-at-the-village/
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Come, O Lord...Second week of Advent 2011
Preparing our Hearts and asking for the Grace
We prepare this week by stepping up the longing. We move through this week by naming deeper and more specific desires.
Each morning this week, if even for that brief moment at the side of our beds, we want to light a second inner candle. We want to let it represent “a bit more hope.” Perhaps we can pause, breathe deeply and say,
“Lord, I place my trust in you.”
Each day this week, as we encounter times that are rushed, even crazy, we can take that deep breath, and make that profound prayer. Each time we face some darkness, some experience of “parched land” or desert, some place where we feel “defeated” or “trapped,” we hear the words, “Our God will come to save us!”
The grace we desire for this week is to be able to hear the promise and to invite our God to come into those real places of our lives that dearly need God's coming. We want to be able to say:
“Lord, I place my trust in your promise. Please, Lord, rouse your power and come into this place in my life, this relationship, into this deep self-defeating pattern. Please come here and save me.”
Each night this week we can look back over the day and give thanks for the moments of deep breath, that opened a space for more trust and confidence in God's fidelity to us. No matter how difficult the challenges we are facing - from the growing realization of our personal sinfulness, to any experience of emptiness or powerlessness, even in the face of death itself - we can give thanks for the two candles that faithfully push back the darkness. And, we can give thanks for the graces given us to believe that “Our God will come to save us” because we were given the courageous faith to desire and ask boldly.
Come, Lord Jesus. Come and visit your people. We await your coming.
found and copied from
http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/Advent/secondweek.html
We prepare this week by stepping up the longing. We move through this week by naming deeper and more specific desires.
Each morning this week, if even for that brief moment at the side of our beds, we want to light a second inner candle. We want to let it represent “a bit more hope.” Perhaps we can pause, breathe deeply and say,
“Lord, I place my trust in you.”
Each day this week, as we encounter times that are rushed, even crazy, we can take that deep breath, and make that profound prayer. Each time we face some darkness, some experience of “parched land” or desert, some place where we feel “defeated” or “trapped,” we hear the words, “Our God will come to save us!”
The grace we desire for this week is to be able to hear the promise and to invite our God to come into those real places of our lives that dearly need God's coming. We want to be able to say:
“Lord, I place my trust in your promise. Please, Lord, rouse your power and come into this place in my life, this relationship, into this deep self-defeating pattern. Please come here and save me.”
Each night this week we can look back over the day and give thanks for the moments of deep breath, that opened a space for more trust and confidence in God's fidelity to us. No matter how difficult the challenges we are facing - from the growing realization of our personal sinfulness, to any experience of emptiness or powerlessness, even in the face of death itself - we can give thanks for the two candles that faithfully push back the darkness. And, we can give thanks for the graces given us to believe that “Our God will come to save us” because we were given the courageous faith to desire and ask boldly.
Come, Lord Jesus. Come and visit your people. We await your coming.
found and copied from
http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/Advent/secondweek.html
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Last day of prophecy week of Advent
But while God is in sovereign control of events and always delivers on His promises, He gives us free will to let our hearts approach Him and to prepare ourselves for Jesus. This is why we are celebrating Advent! We are preparing our hearts before Him, acknowledging that the Lord's perfect timing is working in our lives today!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Purple, the first color of advent?
The colors of the Advent candles can vary. Traditionally, three purple candles and one rose-colored or pink candle are used. The purple signifies that Advent is a season of repentance as well as expectation. Many churches use blue candles in place of purple ones to emphasize the hopeful anticipation of the season. A candle is lit on the first Sunday of Advent, with another one lit on each succeeding Sunday. The joyfully colored pink candle is reserved for the third Sunday of Advent, Gaudete Sunday. Gaudete, which means "rejoice" in Latin, is the opening word of the Introit for that Sunday: Rejoice!… the Lord is near. (Philippians 4:4)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Advent Prayer
Stir us up, O Lord, to make ready for your only begotten Son. May we be able to serve you with purity of soul through the coming of him who lives and reigns.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
A first day of Advent, a learning of the meaning of this...
What is Advent?
Advent marks the beginning of the Christmas season and the Church year for most Western churches. The word "Advent" means "arrival" or "coming" in Latin and represents the approach of Christ's birth (and fulfillment of the prophecies about that event) and the awaiting of Christ's second coming. It is composed of the four Sundays before Christmas day, starting on the Sunday closest to November 30th, which is the feast day of St. Andrew the Apostle, and ending on Christmas. Because Christmas is on a different day from year to year, Advent may last anywhere from 22 to 28 days.
In the 4th and 5th centuries, Advent was the preparation for the "Epiphany" rather than Christmas. (Epiphany is celebrated in early January and focuses on various events in Jesus' life such as the visits of the magi, His baptism and miracles.) It was also a time for new Christians to be baptized and welcomed into the church, while members of the church examined their hearts and focused on penance. Religious leaders exhorted the people to prepare for the feast of Christmas by fasting. Some say that early documents show that those leaders treated Advent as a second Lent.
Sometime in 6th century Rome, the focus of Advent shifted to the second coming of Christ. In the 9th century, Pope St. Nicholas reduced the duration of Advent from six weeks to the four weeks we currently observe. And finally, sometime in the middle ages--approximately the 1500's--an additional focus on the anticipation before Christ's birth was added to that of His second coming. For a more in-depth perspective, visit The History of Advent.
O Come, O Come, Emmanuel is one of the oldest Christmas carols still sung today! It contains many prophetic references and that is why it is used so often at Advent.
Advent marks the beginning of the Christmas season and the Church year for most Western churches. The word "Advent" means "arrival" or "coming" in Latin and represents the approach of Christ's birth (and fulfillment of the prophecies about that event) and the awaiting of Christ's second coming. It is composed of the four Sundays before Christmas day, starting on the Sunday closest to November 30th, which is the feast day of St. Andrew the Apostle, and ending on Christmas. Because Christmas is on a different day from year to year, Advent may last anywhere from 22 to 28 days.
In the 4th and 5th centuries, Advent was the preparation for the "Epiphany" rather than Christmas. (Epiphany is celebrated in early January and focuses on various events in Jesus' life such as the visits of the magi, His baptism and miracles.) It was also a time for new Christians to be baptized and welcomed into the church, while members of the church examined their hearts and focused on penance. Religious leaders exhorted the people to prepare for the feast of Christmas by fasting. Some say that early documents show that those leaders treated Advent as a second Lent.
Sometime in 6th century Rome, the focus of Advent shifted to the second coming of Christ. In the 9th century, Pope St. Nicholas reduced the duration of Advent from six weeks to the four weeks we currently observe. And finally, sometime in the middle ages--approximately the 1500's--an additional focus on the anticipation before Christ's birth was added to that of His second coming. For a more in-depth perspective, visit The History of Advent.
O Come, O Come, Emmanuel is one of the oldest Christmas carols still sung today! It contains many prophetic references and that is why it is used so often at Advent.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Judge Rightly
My 40 day fast from judging ended. I surmise I failed many days…found myself having opinions of too many things/peoples/situations…yet, I remembered some times that I was fasting from this attributing of placing a designation of right or wrong as I see it…and refrained…and instead prayed and interceded for these.
Well, that happened occasionally in these past 40 days. Though more often than previously…and this is where I found relief.
It is as I reminded myself each morning of this fast from judging…I would have peace…and would find myself in situations and just be…be an observer, be a friend, be at peace and speak peace unto them…even if only in my heart and head.
So, this morning I awoke with the words…judge rightly.
Is it that we are not ever to judge? It is true, we are taught that we are to judge not, lest we be judged…but are there times when we must judge? Yep, there are I suspect...actually, yep, this I now am knowing...as in now know, but must learn to practice rightly;)
As it is good to have discernment and to judge a direction to go… or even yes, there are absolute truths to judge our own lives and lifestyles against…or perhaps better yet a judgment and justice towards peace…to be a judge rightly FOR peace!
Proverbs 31:9
Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.
“Open thy mouth, judge righteously...Having heard the cause, pronounce a righteous sentence; deliver it freely and impartially, with all readiness and boldness, not caring for the censures of wicked and unjust men; and plead the cause of the poor and needy; who are oppressed by the rich, cannot plead for themselves, nor fee others to plead for them; do thou do it freely and faithfully. Thus as Lemuel's mother cautions him against women and wine, she advises him to do the duties of his office in administering impartial justice to all, and particularly in being the advocate and judge of the indigent and distressed.” From online…Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible.
I have been meeting with a young mom and her infant daughter in their home near where I am staying. I’ve spent 3 days of a few hours each at differing times to observe, encourage, modeling how to nurture and just being there…even helping a bit in household chores to free up the mom’s need to do this versus holding baby.
I will not tell all here, I have told too much perhaps to some others, but I am more and more aware of my responsibility to advocate for the infant, yet not betraying the confidences of the mother.
Dad is working out of state, will only be in town and at home 2 weeks out of every 6 weeks. Mom is inexperienced and has many issues of grief from a tragic loss 5 years ago and also the loss of the way she thought things would be. There is an evident and obvious disconnect to the infant, to the child that is called colicky…yet I have not yet seen any signs of colic...but only an infant who is truly in need of infant care…and a need for one who is willing and able to nurture, cuddle, coo, and love without condition...and have rest, understanding, and support to continue as such.
Through conversations with others and in prayer, I have recalled areas of poverty in so many lives; my own childhood, adulthood, parenthood…and the hoods of my neighbors...even distant neighbors. One most prevalent as I am considering this families position and needs…are the adult orphans of Romania.
Have I written about this much? Not really. Have I spoken about this to all? Not that I recall. It is these that I am reminded to pray for as I care for this infant in need.
Tomorrow I will be meeting with a woman from the adoption agency that placed the infant in the home of this family. I didn’t initially initiate this contact, it was actually the mom that put me on the phone with the agency lady when I called to schedule our next meeting. This scripture encourages me to …Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.
Jesus said let the little children come…don’t stop them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are childlike.
Jesus spoke up for these…we are encouraged to copy, yes, follow this teaching.
Well, that happened occasionally in these past 40 days. Though more often than previously…and this is where I found relief.
It is as I reminded myself each morning of this fast from judging…I would have peace…and would find myself in situations and just be…be an observer, be a friend, be at peace and speak peace unto them…even if only in my heart and head.
So, this morning I awoke with the words…judge rightly.
Is it that we are not ever to judge? It is true, we are taught that we are to judge not, lest we be judged…but are there times when we must judge? Yep, there are I suspect...actually, yep, this I now am knowing...as in now know, but must learn to practice rightly;)
As it is good to have discernment and to judge a direction to go… or even yes, there are absolute truths to judge our own lives and lifestyles against…or perhaps better yet a judgment and justice towards peace…to be a judge rightly FOR peace!
Proverbs 31:9
Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.
“Open thy mouth, judge righteously...Having heard the cause, pronounce a righteous sentence; deliver it freely and impartially, with all readiness and boldness, not caring for the censures of wicked and unjust men; and plead the cause of the poor and needy; who are oppressed by the rich, cannot plead for themselves, nor fee others to plead for them; do thou do it freely and faithfully. Thus as Lemuel's mother cautions him against women and wine, she advises him to do the duties of his office in administering impartial justice to all, and particularly in being the advocate and judge of the indigent and distressed.” From online…Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible.
I have been meeting with a young mom and her infant daughter in their home near where I am staying. I’ve spent 3 days of a few hours each at differing times to observe, encourage, modeling how to nurture and just being there…even helping a bit in household chores to free up the mom’s need to do this versus holding baby.
I will not tell all here, I have told too much perhaps to some others, but I am more and more aware of my responsibility to advocate for the infant, yet not betraying the confidences of the mother.
Dad is working out of state, will only be in town and at home 2 weeks out of every 6 weeks. Mom is inexperienced and has many issues of grief from a tragic loss 5 years ago and also the loss of the way she thought things would be. There is an evident and obvious disconnect to the infant, to the child that is called colicky…yet I have not yet seen any signs of colic...but only an infant who is truly in need of infant care…and a need for one who is willing and able to nurture, cuddle, coo, and love without condition...and have rest, understanding, and support to continue as such.
Through conversations with others and in prayer, I have recalled areas of poverty in so many lives; my own childhood, adulthood, parenthood…and the hoods of my neighbors...even distant neighbors. One most prevalent as I am considering this families position and needs…are the adult orphans of Romania.
Have I written about this much? Not really. Have I spoken about this to all? Not that I recall. It is these that I am reminded to pray for as I care for this infant in need.
Tomorrow I will be meeting with a woman from the adoption agency that placed the infant in the home of this family. I didn’t initially initiate this contact, it was actually the mom that put me on the phone with the agency lady when I called to schedule our next meeting. This scripture encourages me to …Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.
Jesus said let the little children come…don’t stop them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are childlike.
Jesus spoke up for these…we are encouraged to copy, yes, follow this teaching.
Monday, August 23, 2010
One who brings peace...
Peace...somewhat
Is complete, when my heart is fixed on God
Peace fleets, whenever I fill my heart with thoughts...
of this or that or anything, but my God.
At this moment in time
I've been able to release all else,
my heart is at rest listening to hear
the voice of the one who brings peace,
better still.
Is complete, when my heart is fixed on God
Peace fleets, whenever I fill my heart with thoughts...
of this or that or anything, but my God.
At this moment in time
I've been able to release all else,
my heart is at rest listening to hear
the voice of the one who brings peace,
better still.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Unforsaken by Jesus
I am a loner
Solitary—solitaire
By choice so often
Yet chasing another
If only in my mind
That one is certain to not be
There each and every time
I truly desire
I truly need
A friend’s shoulder to cry on
A tower on which to lean
In another sense
I have the best friend
The tower of strength
The shoulder so steady
To which I can lean on and cry
With even a tissue provided
To dry my tear filled eyes
To blow my nose
A hug so strong
Hold on—hold on
Solitary—solitaire
By choice so often
Yet chasing another
If only in my mind
That one is certain to not be
There each and every time
I truly desire
I truly need
A friend’s shoulder to cry on
A tower on which to lean
In another sense
I have the best friend
The tower of strength
The shoulder so steady
To which I can lean on and cry
With even a tissue provided
To dry my tear filled eyes
To blow my nose
A hug so strong
Hold on—hold on
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Hindsight is 20-20 or Laser surgery was required to prevent total blindness
I hear a book being written in my head. It takes a lot of effort to quiet the writer. But, once it is quieted by journaling or sometimes suffocation of the thoughts …it many times arrives again as a rewrite…in my head…and sometimes I can begin to type or handwrite and silence the writer once again.
Singing or sleeping are many times the alternatives used…versus writing.
But as I speak to others regarding the lessons I’m learning…they encourage me to share in writing…oh well, ugh...yet, peace has been obtained after many tears and prayers over my naiveté.
1 Corinthians 3:18 ‘Let no man (woman) deceive himself (herself), if any man (woman) among you seem to be wise in this world, let him (her) become a fool, that he (she) may be wise’
This recent lesson began as I was walking in the airport after returning from the west coast on March 1st. A young man, who was running some professional marketing booth, called me babe. Huh? Me? I looked around; I was the only person around. I looked at him and asked, “Are you talking to me?” Yep, he was…he wanted my attention to sell something…he wanted me to hear his spiel in regards to some type of credit card plan…no time to say hello goodbye…I said ‘no, thanks’ and kept walking.
Why didn’t I ignore or just keep moving along later that week? Probably because I mistakenly, naively, thought it was safer to listen to anothers’ spiel and even respond more fully…online. Of course…dumdadumdumdumb!…I was wrong.
1 Corinthians 3:18 ‘Let no woman deceive herself, if any woman among you seem to be wise in this world, let her become a fool, that she may be wise’
To become too familiar, too quick? Mwa? Too enamored, too easily? Me? I thought that old gal had died…obviously not…where’s the dagger…I must plunge it into my heart. Oh, never mind…this experience will suffice…I expect…as I determine not to let my intrigue be peaked like this again...unless I am thoroughly submitting my mind, heart and emotions under the lordship of Jesus. Key word here is thoroughly.
I thought I had overcome these impulsive desires to believe and even respond to lies. Yet, it seems it was only that I had not been tested…for awhile…and I had a wall of my own…built up.
I need to be open, as I am not clueless, yet I feel a bit gullible.
I’m not responsible to teach a man, am I? When I received an email on facebook from a man saying he was intrigued by my profile, well, first thing I did was change my security settings to prevent a stranger from peering at my profile, but then, I responded to him. Rather cynically, at first, yet, with an openness to hear what would be said in return.
When he responded with a conversational tone and a desire for me to not judge him unfairly before giving him a chance to present himself…well, the trigger word judgment got me…and I continued the written conversation.
Honestly, this was a brief encounter…yet, the thing that surprised me…about myself…was that as I let my walls down almost completely, so quickly.
A little background:
1. Last year, my son asked me if I would ever marry again. The question caught me off guard, and I said I doubt it…and he was quick to remind me not to close myself off to what or whom the Lord might bring…and I was convicted of my lack of trust in man…which with my history is understandable…yet, did I trust God? Yes, but not me.
2. I had been noticing so much negative talk from women in regards to men…and I was grieved. I realized it is not enough to avoid the conversations…I must be open to the Lord’s leading…in not reasoning, but in praying and encouragement to women to be courted, yet, not dated.
3. Then there was the man, Jerry, the wedding crasher, at my sister’s church in Vancouver. He didn’t actually crash the wedding, but came inside while we were preparing for the ceremony. It was wonderful that Brenda’s friend Sharon was there…as she has such a big heart for men in need…and she was there to listen and direct him to another man at church and well…isn’t that the church…open all hours of the day…to be of help to those seeking the way? Help the weak, lonely, poor spirited?
4. John and Brenda’s marriage…if these two beautiful people…why not maybe me? Again, huh? How quick did that jump come, marriage to a stranger? Although it was only in the mind, that the plant wasn’t immediately taken captive to the obedience of Christ Jesus…this is where the seed of deception blooms, indeed.
‘Let no woman deceive herself, if any woman among you seem to be wise in this world, let her become a fool, that she may be wise’
So, Peter…the so called man’s name…called me babe and used some ownership language…Huh? I decided it would be good to set this stranger straight…write him the truth as I see it. And I responded "Why would words of endearment be used before knowing me? And why is there such a focus on feelings? What about knowledge? What about getting to know if I could be a babe, before jumping ahead?”
I knew this person said he was in the construction business and lived on the east coast. I asked about a New Jersey accent and was informed he was Brazilian. This was enough for me to give the man a reason to be a bit rough around the edges. Poor thing, was lonely, wanting a mate and in a foreign country…it can be so hard to be understood with all those cultural differences and a construction worker at that…all that whistling and gawking and such. He just needed a word of truth I decided and I could be his friend.
Did you hear the violins playing a melancholy song? I did.
‘Let no woman deceive herself, if any woman among you seem to be wise in this world, let her become a fool, that she may be wise’
Oh the fantasy that so quickly ensueth, when it is perceived that a man pursueth,
Yet, with eyes closed and heart unblocked believing that such a one,
Could be intrigued with such as this,
Perhaps, could be eye opening and heart breaking experience.
‘Let no woman deceive herself, if any woman among you seem to be wise in this world, let her become a fool, that she may be wise’
So, I played along. I questioned how I was chosen from the millions. I questioned why such an attractive and younger man would have interest in an overweight grandma. His response…he likes thick women. I blush a bit still…that I was pleased to read a man would desire a relationship with me, as is. Yet, I have never been ok with this myself….so…‘Let no woman deceive herself, if any woman among you seem to be wise in this world, let her become a fool, that she may be wise’
The saddest commentary is the evening I succumbed to chatting online with ‘Peter’ the fake. It took maybe 10 minutes before I realized something was not right. I didn’t have Peter’s full attention online. He said his computer was shutting down on its own…a bad connection. But then, he started using terms of endearment and possession. And when I reminded him that was not ok with me, he became cruel and profane…and saying..lol and hahaha…and I got a sick feeling in my stomach and ended it.
‘Let no woman deceive herself, if any woman among you seem to be wise in this world, let her become a fool, that she may be wise’
It took me that evening and the next day to report the abuse, to warn the other 8 women listed as friends on his page, and to secure my computer with a sweep…there was a message, yet a hacking had been prevented.
It took longer than this to examine myself and debrief. How foolish an ole woman can be when she thinks something fantastical and romantically.
1 Corinthians 3:18 ‘Let no man deceive himself, if any man among you seem to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise’
Those that I spoke to about this encounter have been gentler with me than I’ve been with myself. But, honestly…it’s over and I am so thankful that this was only an online encounter versus in the natural. And I am even thankful so that if/when I am out on the streets and I am open to thinking on my own…I pray I will instead…remember to…
Keep these eyes open and fixed on God
Keep the heart tender with His amazing love
And be prepared and able to love each He brings
Without taking my fixed eyes and fixed heart from Jesus!
I am not capable of transforming a womanizer, a deceiver, a hacker, victimizer or thief…but I know the one who is able…the author and finisher of my faith…
Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Singing or sleeping are many times the alternatives used…versus writing.
But as I speak to others regarding the lessons I’m learning…they encourage me to share in writing…oh well, ugh...yet, peace has been obtained after many tears and prayers over my naiveté.
1 Corinthians 3:18 ‘Let no man (woman) deceive himself (herself), if any man (woman) among you seem to be wise in this world, let him (her) become a fool, that he (she) may be wise’
This recent lesson began as I was walking in the airport after returning from the west coast on March 1st. A young man, who was running some professional marketing booth, called me babe. Huh? Me? I looked around; I was the only person around. I looked at him and asked, “Are you talking to me?” Yep, he was…he wanted my attention to sell something…he wanted me to hear his spiel in regards to some type of credit card plan…no time to say hello goodbye…I said ‘no, thanks’ and kept walking.
Why didn’t I ignore or just keep moving along later that week? Probably because I mistakenly, naively, thought it was safer to listen to anothers’ spiel and even respond more fully…online. Of course…dumdadumdumdumb!…I was wrong.
1 Corinthians 3:18 ‘Let no woman deceive herself, if any woman among you seem to be wise in this world, let her become a fool, that she may be wise’
To become too familiar, too quick? Mwa? Too enamored, too easily? Me? I thought that old gal had died…obviously not…where’s the dagger…I must plunge it into my heart. Oh, never mind…this experience will suffice…I expect…as I determine not to let my intrigue be peaked like this again...unless I am thoroughly submitting my mind, heart and emotions under the lordship of Jesus. Key word here is thoroughly.
I thought I had overcome these impulsive desires to believe and even respond to lies. Yet, it seems it was only that I had not been tested…for awhile…and I had a wall of my own…built up.
I need to be open, as I am not clueless, yet I feel a bit gullible.
I’m not responsible to teach a man, am I? When I received an email on facebook from a man saying he was intrigued by my profile, well, first thing I did was change my security settings to prevent a stranger from peering at my profile, but then, I responded to him. Rather cynically, at first, yet, with an openness to hear what would be said in return.
When he responded with a conversational tone and a desire for me to not judge him unfairly before giving him a chance to present himself…well, the trigger word judgment got me…and I continued the written conversation.
Honestly, this was a brief encounter…yet, the thing that surprised me…about myself…was that as I let my walls down almost completely, so quickly.
A little background:
1. Last year, my son asked me if I would ever marry again. The question caught me off guard, and I said I doubt it…and he was quick to remind me not to close myself off to what or whom the Lord might bring…and I was convicted of my lack of trust in man…which with my history is understandable…yet, did I trust God? Yes, but not me.
2. I had been noticing so much negative talk from women in regards to men…and I was grieved. I realized it is not enough to avoid the conversations…I must be open to the Lord’s leading…in not reasoning, but in praying and encouragement to women to be courted, yet, not dated.
3. Then there was the man, Jerry, the wedding crasher, at my sister’s church in Vancouver. He didn’t actually crash the wedding, but came inside while we were preparing for the ceremony. It was wonderful that Brenda’s friend Sharon was there…as she has such a big heart for men in need…and she was there to listen and direct him to another man at church and well…isn’t that the church…open all hours of the day…to be of help to those seeking the way? Help the weak, lonely, poor spirited?
4. John and Brenda’s marriage…if these two beautiful people…why not maybe me? Again, huh? How quick did that jump come, marriage to a stranger? Although it was only in the mind, that the plant wasn’t immediately taken captive to the obedience of Christ Jesus…this is where the seed of deception blooms, indeed.
‘Let no woman deceive herself, if any woman among you seem to be wise in this world, let her become a fool, that she may be wise’
So, Peter…the so called man’s name…called me babe and used some ownership language…Huh? I decided it would be good to set this stranger straight…write him the truth as I see it. And I responded "Why would words of endearment be used before knowing me? And why is there such a focus on feelings? What about knowledge? What about getting to know if I could be a babe, before jumping ahead?”
I knew this person said he was in the construction business and lived on the east coast. I asked about a New Jersey accent and was informed he was Brazilian. This was enough for me to give the man a reason to be a bit rough around the edges. Poor thing, was lonely, wanting a mate and in a foreign country…it can be so hard to be understood with all those cultural differences and a construction worker at that…all that whistling and gawking and such. He just needed a word of truth I decided and I could be his friend.
Did you hear the violins playing a melancholy song? I did.
‘Let no woman deceive herself, if any woman among you seem to be wise in this world, let her become a fool, that she may be wise’
Oh the fantasy that so quickly ensueth, when it is perceived that a man pursueth,
Yet, with eyes closed and heart unblocked believing that such a one,
Could be intrigued with such as this,
Perhaps, could be eye opening and heart breaking experience.
‘Let no woman deceive herself, if any woman among you seem to be wise in this world, let her become a fool, that she may be wise’
So, I played along. I questioned how I was chosen from the millions. I questioned why such an attractive and younger man would have interest in an overweight grandma. His response…he likes thick women. I blush a bit still…that I was pleased to read a man would desire a relationship with me, as is. Yet, I have never been ok with this myself….so…‘Let no woman deceive herself, if any woman among you seem to be wise in this world, let her become a fool, that she may be wise’
The saddest commentary is the evening I succumbed to chatting online with ‘Peter’ the fake. It took maybe 10 minutes before I realized something was not right. I didn’t have Peter’s full attention online. He said his computer was shutting down on its own…a bad connection. But then, he started using terms of endearment and possession. And when I reminded him that was not ok with me, he became cruel and profane…and saying..lol and hahaha…and I got a sick feeling in my stomach and ended it.
‘Let no woman deceive herself, if any woman among you seem to be wise in this world, let her become a fool, that she may be wise’
It took me that evening and the next day to report the abuse, to warn the other 8 women listed as friends on his page, and to secure my computer with a sweep…there was a message, yet a hacking had been prevented.
It took longer than this to examine myself and debrief. How foolish an ole woman can be when she thinks something fantastical and romantically.
1 Corinthians 3:18 ‘Let no man deceive himself, if any man among you seem to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise’
Those that I spoke to about this encounter have been gentler with me than I’ve been with myself. But, honestly…it’s over and I am so thankful that this was only an online encounter versus in the natural. And I am even thankful so that if/when I am out on the streets and I am open to thinking on my own…I pray I will instead…remember to…
Keep these eyes open and fixed on God
Keep the heart tender with His amazing love
And be prepared and able to love each He brings
Without taking my fixed eyes and fixed heart from Jesus!
I am not capable of transforming a womanizer, a deceiver, a hacker, victimizer or thief…but I know the one who is able…the author and finisher of my faith…
Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Appearances
We look to see
we hope to be
we cannot know
inside truly
We take a chance
and bump our heart
and always turn
back to the start
Those things that look
so good about
may be deceiving
and cause us doubt
To trust again
to take a chance
no longer now
do I depend
on the appearance of a who or what
to be truly who or what is seen.
And yet, my faith, my hope, my joy, my peace is found
in depending on the belief in The One in whom and what
can truly be trusted and depended on
My Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus.
we hope to be
we cannot know
inside truly
We take a chance
and bump our heart
and always turn
back to the start
Those things that look
so good about
may be deceiving
and cause us doubt
To trust again
to take a chance
no longer now
do I depend
on the appearance of a who or what
to be truly who or what is seen.
And yet, my faith, my hope, my joy, my peace is found
in depending on the belief in The One in whom and what
can truly be trusted and depended on
My Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Every Hour He Meets Our Needs
There was a girl who loved the Lord-
but she grew tired from toil and work-
she read the Book
she said her prayers
she walked outside
amongst smiles and stares...
Not only smiles, but also sneers-
she became weak-
but recalled a word-
a word in a day that brought her peace-
a word, a song is what she sings
every hour I need Thee...
The girl worked hours that suit her well-
she had a nap between her routes-
she'd dreamt of this and even prayed for this-
so many years ago
but she grew tired from toil and work-
she read the Book
she said her prayers
she walked outside
amongst smiles and stares...
Not only smiles, but also sneers-
she became weak-
but recalled a word-
a word in a day that brought her peace-
a word, a song is what she sings
every hour I need Thee...
The girl worked hours that suit her well-
she had a nap between her routes-
she'd dreamt of this and even prayed for this-
so many years ago
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Don't focus on the dirt...but on the SEED!
Wow, the dirt sure is dirty!
And when I cry, it sure gets muddy!
So, it's not only personal, yet family
And then community...those plots of dirt are many!
The book I'd been reading is Rachel's Tears...
the next paragraph I read after the last I shared says:
'When we focus our eyes on self, we're looking at the dirt.
When we focus on the seed growing in the dirt, we produce fruit'
Dirty I've been, dirty I'll be...there's too much dirt on and even in me some days...that I can't see past my plot to see clearly to the next...so I'm keeping my eyes on the seed in me...which is Jesus.
So, the next thing I read in this biography of a girl:
'It is so important to understand that the Christian walk is not me becoming perfect; it's Christ growing to perfection in me.'
Is that an excuse to stay muddy? Is that a cop out for dealing with conflict in relationships with others? Lord have mercy on me...and show me what to do...and my heart says to continually seek Him...and His way of doing things...and then I will know how to love not only myself, but all others.
And when I cry, it sure gets muddy!
So, it's not only personal, yet family
And then community...those plots of dirt are many!
The book I'd been reading is Rachel's Tears...
the next paragraph I read after the last I shared says:
'When we focus our eyes on self, we're looking at the dirt.
When we focus on the seed growing in the dirt, we produce fruit'
Dirty I've been, dirty I'll be...there's too much dirt on and even in me some days...that I can't see past my plot to see clearly to the next...so I'm keeping my eyes on the seed in me...which is Jesus.
So, the next thing I read in this biography of a girl:
'It is so important to understand that the Christian walk is not me becoming perfect; it's Christ growing to perfection in me.'
Is that an excuse to stay muddy? Is that a cop out for dealing with conflict in relationships with others? Lord have mercy on me...and show me what to do...and my heart says to continually seek Him...and His way of doing things...and then I will know how to love not only myself, but all others.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Dirt is not cleaned before the seed is sown...
Farmville...I really didn't see the sense in playing an online game. Yet, I succumbed to my sister's invitation. And became rather obsessive even...and also opened up a cafe. So, now that I have played for a couple weeks and I must return to work on Monday and I truly don't see how I can farm, run a cafe and drive a bus? Hmmm, time will tell;)
But the thing I wanted to share that I don't know if I would have seen if I hadn't played these games...as I was reading a book about a young woman, Rachel, that had been killed in the Columbine shootings...this book her parents wrote tell of her love of Jesus and her struggles with faith...and a discussion regarding sod and seed she'd had with her dad.
Dirt is not cleaned before the seed is sown...we are the dirt...God, Jesus, God's Word...which is Jesus...is the seed. And not only that...the soil is made richer with manure...hello? didn't I learn this lesson two years ago? I guess I needed to hear & learn it again!
But the thing I wanted to share that I don't know if I would have seen if I hadn't played these games...as I was reading a book about a young woman, Rachel, that had been killed in the Columbine shootings...this book her parents wrote tell of her love of Jesus and her struggles with faith...and a discussion regarding sod and seed she'd had with her dad.
Dirt is not cleaned before the seed is sown...we are the dirt...God, Jesus, God's Word...which is Jesus...is the seed. And not only that...the soil is made richer with manure...hello? didn't I learn this lesson two years ago? I guess I needed to hear & learn it again!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
December 11th
I need You Lord I need You
Every hour I need You.
This song came to me
as I was crying out to God
feeling trapped by dark choices
dark, mixed crap in beauty
there is no beauty in deceit
there is no beauty in enabling another
to live as they please
leaving carnage and mess for others
to suffer and/or clean up.
Later the same day...
short tempered
blunt - abrupt
mean spirited? no
but quick to lose patience.
a child, slow-witted?
says she lost her backpack on the bus this morn
others, girl students, stop to help
only holding up the line
blocking the departure of all behind
is not helpful, only slowing things down.
just go - get off the bus
but have a good day
I'm taking care of this
ugh, how rude I must be
I must apologize to these few
oh well, they left
I searched the bus for the backpack
with the one who said she lost
no back pack found?
she was wearing it when she got on the bus
in the afternoon
what was lost was found
yet not in the place thought.
Every hour I need You.
This song came to me
as I was crying out to God
feeling trapped by dark choices
dark, mixed crap in beauty
there is no beauty in deceit
there is no beauty in enabling another
to live as they please
leaving carnage and mess for others
to suffer and/or clean up.
Later the same day...
short tempered
blunt - abrupt
mean spirited? no
but quick to lose patience.
a child, slow-witted?
says she lost her backpack on the bus this morn
others, girl students, stop to help
only holding up the line
blocking the departure of all behind
is not helpful, only slowing things down.
just go - get off the bus
but have a good day
I'm taking care of this
ugh, how rude I must be
I must apologize to these few
oh well, they left
I searched the bus for the backpack
with the one who said she lost
no back pack found?
she was wearing it when she got on the bus
in the afternoon
what was lost was found
yet not in the place thought.
December 10th
So little writing
so much reading
but really not so much
too much eating
lots of social time
but also going to be
alone.
Glen Lake school
Drew and Jack came out first
it's so cold
I want to turn the bus on.
My fingers so cold
here come some more students
time to stop writing
and close the door.
so much reading
but really not so much
too much eating
lots of social time
but also going to be
alone.
Glen Lake school
Drew and Jack came out first
it's so cold
I want to turn the bus on.
My fingers so cold
here come some more students
time to stop writing
and close the door.
December 7th
A small car ran my stoparm
I wrote a report to report to the state of MN
I'll turn it in
Is that wicked?
No.
How about me?
I run the stop sign of food to eat
Who's going to turn me in?
Is it wicked? perhaps.
Gluttonous, yes.
I wrote a report to report to the state of MN
I'll turn it in
Is that wicked?
No.
How about me?
I run the stop sign of food to eat
Who's going to turn me in?
Is it wicked? perhaps.
Gluttonous, yes.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
A better understanding of intimacy? It is not only in knowing, but in belonging to Jesus. Obeying, Trusting, Believing, Jesus.
December started in with a bang.
I've disappointed another as I've been.
So alike we can be
I suppose in fact
another thinks they know more of me
than reality
that to have read or heard
is only a glimpse
into me
into you
into Jesus
What I've said and what's said about me
that's just my press at times
but to know me is to converse
often conversation
converse
not one way talk or one way listen.
I guess that's why
I don't feel like I have any intimate relations
with anyone
for long
because the balance of communication
and the time spent together
is really not there
for long.
An admiration
an offer of a gift
a couple checks or cash
to encourage movement
yet continual support
or actual follow through on words
not there for long
or at all.
Perhaps the time is now I said,
to examine and repent.
Examine how I relate with these and those
repenting for my part
my faults are many
my sin has been unforgiveness
and looking to another to meet my expectations
too often and too long
then to give up completely
as in a pitiful state
perception leads to the belief
that the world and even the church
has so often has given up on too many.
To sustain to relate
to one or another
it is difficult it is true
I even think now of others
who share bits of their lives
who give kind words at times
but when time rolls around
again and again
they're no where to be found or unresponsive.
This is to be an exam of me, not another
Where do I begin?
I think there's always been some jealousy
mixed with being treated as a pawn, puppy or even clown.
I rarely spoke out as I wanted to be loved.
honestly, was loved at times
with as much as the other had received
which in many cases was not much
hmmmm, this is of I too, I speak.
Perceptions, wrong?
Perceptions, what to believe?
I used to think I had good intuition
yet I've found
many times
my perceptions are so wrong indeed.
Childhood neglect
Children alone
raising themselves
as dad drank a lot
dad worked a lot
dad went crazy
and abused himself
and others I heard
and even saw some
mom cried a lot
mom ran a lot
mom talked a lot
taught some
not enough to teach me
to teach me not to go
down a path of destructive behavior myself.
Same with my siblings
yet their journey not the same
I acquiesced
I bowed down
I hid or ran
At times stood up and fought
At times stayed in a cave
At times excelled in world standards
Sometimes pushed back
Sometimes avoided outward pain
Sometimes appeared to escape
but escaped into a different kind of pain.
Hmmm, perhaps our stories and experiences in this world
have basically...all been somewhat the same.
Extremes...
Immoderate...
extremes in relations...
extremes in consumption...
extremes in emotions...
extremes in solutions...
extremes in so many ways...
risks taken
harm taken
solutions received
but not always the best
for anyone concerned
am I talking of all or just me?
I could put on a mask
say all the right things
those things that would please
those things that are full of humor and fun
then the welcome remains
the conflict only within
but that is the old me
I am now a new creation.
So do I go digging?
Do I dig up the past?
It's full of excrement as well as sweet times
I like to focus on those sweet memories
even those so long ago
but I suppose if the memory begins to stink
then that would invite a look
and asking the Lord
to help me sort out
the sweet from the stink.
It pains me when I am unable to be
much help to anyone
including me
but the truth is I am a stinky sinner
unless and until I repent each day
as a stinking thought is clung to
instead of a flush
instead of a bath
instead of a baptism completely under water
Ah yes, rejoicing in Jesus
Praising the Lord
examination and supplication
repentance and forgiveness
not now and then
continually as needed
The truth is
I am learning to fear God more each day
as I say or do things that are not pleasing to Him...
and admit and ask forgiveness
as I say or do things that are pleasing to Him
it is not always easy, but always best
and it is healing to be real
and it is good to share
with those who care
and perhaps even relate even a bit
it is intimacy in writing
that I have had most often
it is intimacy with God that is increasing
it is intimacy with His people I am open to
as truly...intimacy is defined in one place I found...
as a close or warm friendship
Close not in proximity
Warm not as in weather related
But an intimate friendship of sorts
and a trust that the Lord
is being revered by each as we converse...pray.
I've disappointed another as I've been.
So alike we can be
I suppose in fact
another thinks they know more of me
than reality
that to have read or heard
is only a glimpse
into me
into you
into Jesus
What I've said and what's said about me
that's just my press at times
but to know me is to converse
often conversation
converse
not one way talk or one way listen.
I guess that's why
I don't feel like I have any intimate relations
with anyone
for long
because the balance of communication
and the time spent together
is really not there
for long.
An admiration
an offer of a gift
a couple checks or cash
to encourage movement
yet continual support
or actual follow through on words
not there for long
or at all.
Perhaps the time is now I said,
to examine and repent.
Examine how I relate with these and those
repenting for my part
my faults are many
my sin has been unforgiveness
and looking to another to meet my expectations
too often and too long
then to give up completely
as in a pitiful state
perception leads to the belief
that the world and even the church
has so often has given up on too many.
To sustain to relate
to one or another
it is difficult it is true
I even think now of others
who share bits of their lives
who give kind words at times
but when time rolls around
again and again
they're no where to be found or unresponsive.
This is to be an exam of me, not another
Where do I begin?
I think there's always been some jealousy
mixed with being treated as a pawn, puppy or even clown.
I rarely spoke out as I wanted to be loved.
honestly, was loved at times
with as much as the other had received
which in many cases was not much
hmmmm, this is of I too, I speak.
Perceptions, wrong?
Perceptions, what to believe?
I used to think I had good intuition
yet I've found
many times
my perceptions are so wrong indeed.
Childhood neglect
Children alone
raising themselves
as dad drank a lot
dad worked a lot
dad went crazy
and abused himself
and others I heard
and even saw some
mom cried a lot
mom ran a lot
mom talked a lot
taught some
not enough to teach me
to teach me not to go
down a path of destructive behavior myself.
Same with my siblings
yet their journey not the same
I acquiesced
I bowed down
I hid or ran
At times stood up and fought
At times stayed in a cave
At times excelled in world standards
Sometimes pushed back
Sometimes avoided outward pain
Sometimes appeared to escape
but escaped into a different kind of pain.
Hmmm, perhaps our stories and experiences in this world
have basically...all been somewhat the same.
Extremes...
Immoderate...
extremes in relations...
extremes in consumption...
extremes in emotions...
extremes in solutions...
extremes in so many ways...
risks taken
harm taken
solutions received
but not always the best
for anyone concerned
am I talking of all or just me?
I could put on a mask
say all the right things
those things that would please
those things that are full of humor and fun
then the welcome remains
the conflict only within
but that is the old me
I am now a new creation.
So do I go digging?
Do I dig up the past?
It's full of excrement as well as sweet times
I like to focus on those sweet memories
even those so long ago
but I suppose if the memory begins to stink
then that would invite a look
and asking the Lord
to help me sort out
the sweet from the stink.
It pains me when I am unable to be
much help to anyone
including me
but the truth is I am a stinky sinner
unless and until I repent each day
as a stinking thought is clung to
instead of a flush
instead of a bath
instead of a baptism completely under water
Ah yes, rejoicing in Jesus
Praising the Lord
examination and supplication
repentance and forgiveness
not now and then
continually as needed
The truth is
I am learning to fear God more each day
as I say or do things that are not pleasing to Him...
and admit and ask forgiveness
as I say or do things that are pleasing to Him
it is not always easy, but always best
and it is healing to be real
and it is good to share
with those who care
and perhaps even relate even a bit
it is intimacy in writing
that I have had most often
it is intimacy with God that is increasing
it is intimacy with His people I am open to
as truly...intimacy is defined in one place I found...
as a close or warm friendship
Close not in proximity
Warm not as in weather related
But an intimate friendship of sorts
and a trust that the Lord
is being revered by each as we converse...pray.
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About Me
- aWritetoBelong
- Hopkins, Minnesota, United States
- A mother of two adult children...and a mother to many more adopted in the Kingdom of God. Grandmother to three. Lover of Jesus, The Way, The Truth, The Life, justice, learning, teaching, authenticity, discernment, and praying. I process by writing my thoughts to get to the truth...but most times there are too many words to wade through. A picture of myself I've seen, is like a scuba diver who jumps in the ocean with all the equipment in place, but rises too quickly at times and gets nauseated, but the picture is only a warning...not that I shouldn't go deep...but to come up more slowly in order to keep...my health.