Reflections of a funeral in November

Home after Janet's
funeral and repass
was asked to sing
and agreed--
The Lord's prayer
and a song of Shalom,
peace.

Mila and I arrived
5 minutes early
to 35th and Bryant
North--

it's only residential
no church in sight
Jamila called Ray
go south--

Bryant Avenue South
got on Lyndale headed south
pulled over to let Mila drive
so I could practice my songs without distraction.

On 35W traffic stopped
went some
but long stops in between.

Made it to the church more than 20 minutes later

Sat down in a pew
listened for a few
the obit was read
some testimonies given
so wonderful indeed
and humor too--

Then the minister spoke
then released the congregation--

No song sung
no notice given
I told Mila
it was only willingness required of me
would I do as they asked?
of course, for Janet.

So proud of my children
first one, then the other
and Jamila surprised me
when she said she would speak
as she'd said just a few moments earlier
when I asked
no, she didn't like publicly speaking--

But, she waited her turn behind a rambling man
and she spoke so truly
of who grandma was
spending time with her
taught her to accept
show mercy and forgive--

Ah yes, even this
prompted aunt Carolyn
to say to forgive
and then Clifton told a story of
how when Janet's purse was snatched
shortly after cashing a check
a couple young men had seen
and they chased down that young man and beat him
they made him return Janet's cash in person--

And the story goes
Janet did not rebuke or shame him
but took him under her wing
she was a woman of compassion--

But was this a true story?
or embellished and grown
God only knows
God only knows

I loved this woman
I believe she loved God
As much as she knew how
Yet by seeing some bitter and un-mature fruit
so hard, so sour
God only knows
God only knows

I love her still
and love her fruit
and the fruit of the Lord
that is sending the sun, rain, and tillers...
so that THE SON could be seen in the lives of these and those
who saw such mercy and compassion in this woman
when in fact...it is the love of God that truly
has unending compassion and is The Truth.

Reflections of attendance to meeting for Women on Fire in November

Long drive
Late start
Letting down
Leaving the day behind
Is taking soooooo long.

Neck and back still stiff
Thoughts of You
Float in and out
As I listen to
The worship songs.

Now is the time
To hear some testimonies
Leave me be
Leave me be
Leave me behind
It's not me indeed
I am relieved
It is His love cleansing me
from the inside out.

Starving

There's starving children
yet I buy a necklace and a ring

There's starving children
but I still have chocolate, coffee and cream

There's starving children
every moment of every day

There's starving children
why don't I truly fast and pray

There's starving children
that are starving yes for food

There's starving children
who have no lack of food

There's starving children
who hunger for a parent who will feed

There's starving children
from neglect, yet they've learned to stop their starving with food and more of this cruel world...too much.

There is the choice for Him...

Big as a yacht
big as a house
much too round
and rather stout.

Comfort always have desired
much too easy to acquire.

Life's not easy
yet simply put
it can be done
with a heart filled full
with thoughts of heaven
yet life on earth
eternity minded
the cross endured
my joy is real
even when my face
shows signs of pain
cause my life is not dependent on
a life of ease.

Freedom remains evenso I'm chained
freedom to love
freedom to be kind
freedom to remain quiet
despite the noise of loudness
and the hate for sin
the cruelty in choosing
any choice but HIM.

Busy Busy Busy

Busy, busy, busy like a bumble bee
or I prefer to say full
that explains life for me.

So many times when I haven't heard
from one or another
when I do
I hear this term busy
I've been so busy, busy, busy
perhaps it's true.

Beavers are busy
bee's are too
also bodies can be busy
or is that only a name that is given
for those who gossip?

Lines are busy
when I've tried to call
or they just ring and ring
with no answer at all.

There are times that I've cried
there are times felt offense
when I get the reply
well, I've just been so busy.

It is most likely true
even I've said it too
yet, I'm trying not to
be too busy for you
or let busyness keep me
from what and who
I long to see or talk to.

So I've decided if you
are too busy for me
well, hmmm, that's ok
I'll still make time for you
on the day you decide
you're not too busy for me
if my day isn't too full already.

Here is one way to use Gospel-grounded repentance:

Found at the following website in 2006, and re-read again this morning:

http://www.graceharborministries.org/articles2/keepgodhappy.html

Have I looked down on anyone? Have I been too stung by criticism? Have I felt snubbed and ignored?

Repent like this: consider the free grace of Jesus until I sense a) decreasing disdain (since I am a sinner too), b) decreasing pain over criticism (since I should not value human approval over God’s love). In light of his grace I can let go of the need to keep up a good image—it is too great a burden and now unnecessary. Consider free grace until I experience grateful, restful joy.

Have I spoken or thought unkindly of anyone? Am I justifying myself by caricaturing (in my mind) someone else? Have I been impatient and irritable? Have I been self-absorbed and indifferent and inattentive to people?

Repent like this: consider the free grace of Christ until there is a) no coldness or unkindness (think of the sacrificial love of Christ for you), b) no impatience (think of his patience with you), and c) no indifference. Consider free grace until I show warmth and affection. God was infinitely patient and attentive to me, out of grace.

Have I avoided people or tasks that I know I should face? Have I been anxious and worried? Have I failed to be circumspect or have I been rash and impulsive?

Repent like this: consider the free grace of Jesus until there is a) no cowardly avoidance of hard thing (since Jesus faced evil for me), b) no anxious or rash behavior (since Jesus’ death proves God cares and will watch over me). It takes pride to be anxious—I am not wise enough to know how my life should go. Consider free grace until I experience calm thoughtfulness and strategic boldness.

Am I doing what I am doing for God’s glory and the good of others or am I being driven by fears, need for approval, love of comfort and ease, need for control, hunger for acclaim and power, or the ‘fear of man?’ Am I looking at anyone with envy? Am I giving in to any of even the first motions of lust or gluttony? Am I spending my time on urgent things rather than important things because of these inordinate desires?

Repent like this: How does Jesus provide for me what I am looking for in these other things? Pray, “O Lord Jesus, make me happy enough in you to avoid sin and wise enough in you to avoid danger, that I may always do what is right in your sight, in your name I pray, Amen.”

Think I'm Wrong, Think I'm Right, Just Pray

My perceptions could be wrong. I could be wrong. But I think I am right. Not about all, but about some.

I wonder at my impulsive actions again and again. Is it to rescue some or one; or only to control in some way?

I step in so rarely, yet when I do, is it right? Or right time? Or right way? Or right situation?

It may be that my stepping in is not even necessary…yet, I did it anyway…but most times I don’t do a thing…except pray.

Pray for those and them and me…who think we know what’s right and wrong…and do more to hurt than to help…when all is said and done...unless a prayer was said instead...and instruction given from the one who knows...just what to say or do...or just say nothing except to pray.