Romans 12:2 is the verse that helped me as I did a couple swings on the emotion tree this week. The Father cares…and He has given instruction to help us in times of need. So…here goes. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect His will really is!
Last week on the school bus…the 8 students I picked up from school all sat in the back of the bus. As I was driving I could hear snippets of conversations…and when I looked in the mirror…it was evident some conflict was in process. I warned them all to stop whatever they were doing that was not appropriate…and went back to driving. When I was able to look in the mirror more fully at a traffic light, they seemed to have settled down…a bit. The ride was intense…it’s only a couple miles to the other school where some of these students transfer onto the bus that takes them home.
By the time we arrived at the other school…I wanted to know what had happened. I asked…and they all held their tongues. One girl came up to me and said they had been speaking profanity. I asked who…and she held her tongue. It was time for the students to transfer…so I decided I would ask the bus company to play back the tape…and it could be addressed that way.
So on the bus the next morning I told the students I had asked the bus company to look at the recorded tape…and then the school could handle the problem. Well, I was disappointed when my paperwork was returned to me that afternoon with the requirement that I write up reports for the students involved. I explained that I didn’t know who was at fault…thus my request. The bus company guy said he couldn’t turn in the report to the school without names. I was irritated…but I knew what I needed to do.
When I picked up the students the next morning…I told them that I would have to write up a report on each of the 8 students that had been riding the bus that afternoon...unless someone was willing to confess or tell me what happened. They all seemed downcast when they got off the bus.
When I picked up the students that afternoon…I told them they would all be sitting at the front of the bus from now on so I could hear what was going on. I could hear quite a bit of whispered discussion on the ride over to the other school. When we arrived…one young man said he was ready to confess…and he did.
He said what had started out with joking around ended up with him angry. He said one student had called him a coffee bean…so he responded and called him a marshmallow. Then another said he stood up for the first one…and another said he did too. And one young girl yelled…and they called you a marshmallow too…bus driver.
I talked to them about being kind to one another…and if someone calls you a name…it’s best to ignore or instruct. We can’t stop people from calling us names…but we can respond differently than they expect and we certainly don’t have to agree with them.
I said they could call me a marshmallow…since I am soft and white…and it doesn’t hurt my feelings. And I said I really like coffee…but I understand how it can be insulting for a Mexican to be called that…so told the young man who had used this term, not to do that again. And told them not to call any other student a marshmallow. And I also reminded them they would all have the privilege of sitting in the front half of the school bus for the rest of the school year…so I could monitor the conversations…and they could have the joy of sometimes hearing me sing:)
Now while that was quite an enlightening story…and I can see how prayer and study and requiring the truth…can help to deal with the conflict. What I find even more intriguing is my response to a name label I’ve re-received recently. When I first read this label I had a wry smile appear on my face, then later some irritation, then resolution…and the solution.
So what name could that be? Co-dependent…icky pooey…that is not a name I like at all…call me a marshmallow…but co-dependent…NO!
But over the past few days…I allowed myself to think about this a little more deeply (me? Thinking deeply? yep). Well, anyway…after reading some definitions online…and talking to my sister…I can admit that yes, I am co-dependent…but ah hem…I’m not the co-dependent person I was prior to today! Co-dependent brings up memories of failed relationships, dysfunctional family events, and the obsession I had with finding others to love me…but then pushing them away. Well, that was all pre-Jesus. And while I may be able to get that way again…I trust God to set me straight…and if I resist…well, honestly…with as much time as I spend with Him…that’s futile!
I am passionate about becoming a perfected daughter of the king…and I passionate about telling the truth and praying that deceit would not prevail. I am passionate about showing love … and of being in love with God, Jesus…and being led by the Holy Spirit…and to not only show this love to HIM…but those He loves, is in love with and whom is in love with me.
Honestly, some days I don’t even think I know what ‘being in love’ means…but I speak the Word of God as I was taught when new in my faith…”Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (Heb 11)”. And boy oh boy…or girl oh girl…have I seen some things in the past few years…and a plethora of things in the past week! Whew!
Now…yes, I am co-dependent…I think we all are to some extent. And perhaps that is as it may be…because of where we all came from…and if you admit it…all of us had some bit(or a LOT) of dysfunction in our lives…that gives us a distorted view of people…either believing we are not good enough for them (which is generally my downfall)…or believing they are not good enough for us (and I admit, this can be me at times…not that I’m too good…but it’s too much work to try to love them). Ouch.
So, call me what you will…marshmallow…lazy…co-dependent…icky or sticky gooey…but I am working on calling you what He commands me to do…and that is to be in love with you…to first love God with all my heart, soul, and might…and then to love my neighbor as myself. I am confident in my love for the Father. I am getting so much better at loving myself…excuse me for a minute…I need to give myself a hug:)…and also I am learning to love each of you just as you are…and sometimes that comes out in my feeling in love…whatever that means…and sometimes it comes out as choosing to love…cause I honestly don’t feel it and am unable to express it…and sometimes I get confused and think that just because I love someone…they will love me back…and so I guess that would be the co-dependency?
Enough said…may not be correct…but it’s what I know today.
Love ya…yep I do…I’m in love with Him…He’s in love with me…and that helps me to be in love with you…so there!
Carol.
No comments:
Post a Comment