Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Truth be told…as I think about such…confession, repentance, and forgiveness follows…

Philippians 4:8—Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Secrets, myths and truth: Is there a tooth fairy?

Ah, the lessons to be learned and lessons to be taught as I drive a bus in Minnesota. A young girl boarded my bus this morning. I know her more or less since meeting her last fall. She occasionally has something important to tell me. Last Friday it was that she had a secret she really wanted to tell me, but wasn’t sure if she should. Then she said, I will tell you, but you must promise not to tell. I smiled at her and said go ahead and tell me.

This precious young fair-haired girl proceeded to blurt out her news and it was that her dad was going to propose to her mother and give her a ring that weekend.

Now let me briefly explain...

this man who lives with them is not her dad by blood, but loves her mom just the same and is becoming a father to this girl who needs one and I thanked God that the man is willing to commit instead of keeping one foot in and one foot out of the door

But I digress and explain too much...let me move on...

well, one more thing...

I know not enough of their lives to judge, but even if I knew more, it’s not my job to judge more or less, but I see the blessing in the joy on her face as she tells me her daddy will marry her mother and that’s good enough for me.

Well, that was last week and todays another day. As she bounded onto my bus this morning, it wasn’t very long at all before she had another announcement. But this was not a secret, but it brought her so much joy and it’s that her other tooth had fallen out as she was eating Ramon noodles of all things. She took it out of her mouth before swallowing it and was oh so pleased since now she had $8 from the tooth fairy.

Then she reminded me this was her 2nd tooth that had fallen out in a week and she said she hadn’t received a thing for the first one that fell out...

so she wrote a letter to the tooth fairy, letting her know of her missing teeth

So this morning she was so happy to not only receive $8, but also a note from the fairy that was in tiny printing and she had it with her right now

and it was that the tooth fairy apologized for not coming quicker but she had come now

Hmmm…now on the ride to the school as we were driving along she was talking of how some at her school don’t believe in the tooth fairy at all and she asked me what I thought...

what did I believe?

I told her to ask her parents to explain about the tooth fairy, but then my spirit said say more, but be careful of our culture and her relationship to her parents...

so I asked the Lord, what do I say?

And it was not clear until I heard her bragging away to the next group of children that boarded the bus and she went on and on about how the tooth fairy was real and I said…

This is what I’ll say about the tooth fairy...

I think children who have parents that like to give their kids hope tend to speak of stories and myths that have goodness in them...

I said my children were visited by the tooth fairy too and I know it’s good to want our children to have hopes and dreams, but we also need to tell children about the truth of real hope and real truth is God and his truth and I knew from all they’ve told me on the bus this year that each of their parents have some belief in God...So I hoped that this belief is what they are taught.

Well…I thought that might be the end of that, but after picking up my young man who would like to be king, she told her tooth fairy story again and the others started sharing their blessings of money they’ve received from losing their teeth and my prince in the making said with a look of disdain on his face the tooth fairy never visited me...

Now I was happy he had not been on the bus when I’d said what I’d previously said and not that it was wrong, but this child does not fit in with their experience and not that his parents don’t love him but perhaps they love him more?

By not feeding him with myths?

but perhaps not...

since he’s not seemingly filled with the truth of God’s love for him?

So when I looked in the mirror he still seemed to be a bit down and when I stopped to pick up one more student, I looked in the mirror and I said to my young prince...

you may not have had any tooth fairy bring you anything, but I have hope for you, that God will bless your life too and more than any money from a fairy could bring and I hope this seed takes root and he believes.

Well…it’s not over yet…could it ever be with me?

We arrived at the school where the students are transferred and while we waited as we do each morning for the signal to make the change, my lovely fair-haired girl came to me to show me her note from the fairy and as she showed me, my hand reached for the note and she pulled it back abruptly and said don’t you touch it and my young prince came up and he tried to do the sameand she just about threw a fit and I was surprised by her anger, but I said to my young prince don’t touch her note...

it’s very important to her, but I have something much better, it’s inside my purse...

it’s the word of God and he turned and walked away.

Oh well, I’ll just keep on planting and watering and praying and I know it may seem odd sometimes, but I really am not preaching to these kids, but just telling the truth of how I see how God values them and sometimes it seems the veneer on their face shows a slight crack and sometimes even seems to have fallen completely away and I see such a smile on their face ...

But I’ve found it doesn’t seem to last, this attractive countenance, for long, perhaps a day or a week or a month may go by before I see that mask come off again, but since I saw it come off once, I know the hardness hasn’t set in and the love of God can seep under the cement trying to cover them…

Now another thought came...

after all of these things and it has to do with wisdom teeth and owls and belief?

What is this all about?

Why are those teeth called wisdom?

And why is wisdom required to be pulled out?

Or else they’ll crowd out the good ones?

Hmmm…maybe it’s those good ones that should be pulled?

since wisdom is so needed…

oh well, the thought is not developed, another study might be required and if I pursue it any farther I expect I’ll write it down and perhaps even share it.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Psalm 34:4, 5...Radiant with Joy...

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Man* oh man…be a man of God…and don’t you go eating that forbidden fruit!

(* also applies to woman)

When Eve was tempted by the snake…I would have liked to read in the Word…that she laughed at the fool…and said…nope…no forbidden fruit for me…I’ve got all that I want…my man Adam and me…and in fact, God has already given us all that we need…we don’t need anything else…than all that the garden holds…cause one measly tree…as beautiful as it seems…certainly can’t make much more difference and do we truly have more need...than for Him?

So get your snaky body…and slither or march (I think it still had feet then)…out of here…and leave us alone…we’ve got more than enough…and the temptation of Eve…could have been the end of the fall…but oh well…it didn’t go that way…

And it went quite off course…but isn’t that just the way…with just about every story I’ve heard…there are rare happily ever afters on this earth…alas…only in the movies…and the fantasy’s at best….More likely since Eve (and not to forget…also Adam)…didn’t respond as the Lord would have hoped…was He disappointed in him and her…I can only speculate…well…he told them to come out…when they were hidden away…and he covered them up…yes, he covered their shame…but there were curses…were there blessings? That’s not my focus right now…the story is this…no matter how bad we may stumble in our thinking or being deceived…even if we fall down like Adam and Eve…the Lord has provision for those who repent…the Lord has a plan…and He’s the master at that.

So I will not be discouraged…by my childish unmet needs…but I will come before the master…as a child…childlike indeed.

And he meets all my needs…he tells me stories and verses…and gives me rest when I need it…and he tells me to share it…and not necessarily that any will hear it…but the purpose is to be yielded...and willing to do…and announce publicly and privately my beloved….Jesus Christ is Lord of my life…not to be ashamed…not to desire another…because THE MAN OF GOD…who is God himself…is zealous…and yes…even jealous for my devotion to Him. I am hopelessly…no…not as the song from Grease goes…but hopefully…and steadfastly…and joyfully devoted to YOU…my Lord!

Singing now…“But now, there’s no where to hide…when I’ve pushed your love aside…I’d go out of my head…hopelessly devoted to you…(change that)…hopefully devoted to YOU….ohhhhhh…joyfully devoted…steadfastly devoted…hopefully devoted to YOU!!!

But what? There’s more…oh yes…I feel obliged to say…I know the truth…I know the Lord knows what’s best for me…although I must admit…I’ve not always known this…at least if I knew…I did not believe…cause if I look at my past…I can see the warnings and signs…that said…fool don’t you do it…but did I listen…not often enough…and though there was suffering at times…even in my choices not so fine…the Lord has made my life and my messes become so amazingly beautiful…and I’m learning not to say that any of it was a mistake…cause then my joy would be pain…and I have joy in this journey and now I’ll end this refrain.

Today's verse from George MacDonald's Diary of an Old Soul

This versing, even the reading of the tale

That brings my heart its joy unspeakable,

Sometimes will softly, unsuspectedly hale

That heart from thee, and all its pulses quell.

Discovery's pride, joy's bliss, take aback my sail,

And sweep me from thy presence and my grace,

Because my eyes dropped from the master's face.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

No one lights a lamp and then hides it or puts in under a basket

Psalm 116…I love the LORD because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!

It’s true…and now a song…oh well…there are so many…but a couple or a few…will do in this telling…and perhaps not the whole song…but with the reminder that I didn’t write these songs…these lyrics (words) are what others have written…and in some cases the writing of these songs…were not seemingly for the Lord’s purposes…but as I am reminded of songs…and they are worldly at best…the Lord has given me and my loved ones the ability to see…that those songs can be sung to our Almighty One…when we keep our minds and hearts and the focus on Him…oh yes, change a few words…if it’s necessary…but honestly in just seeing a few of these words…you will see how He continually speaks to me!

Love Letters…by Nat King Cole…

Love letters straight from your heart…keep us so near while apart…I’m not alone in the night…when I can have all the love you write…

Oh my….how romantic our Lord can be…my face is blushing…

This next song…I was going to turn down the radio as I was driving to church with my sister…but she said…that’s one of my favorites…and it can be sung to the Lord…and as I listened I saw she knew the truth of these words…hmmm, by the American Breed?…I didn’t know that band name…hmmm and the grammar…oh yes…quite American…

Bend me shape me anyway you want me

Long as you love me it’s all right

Bend me shape me anyway you want me

You got the power to turn on the light

ok…I was only going to share the chorus…but this verse is calling to be written…

Everybody tells me I’m wrong, to want you so badly

But there’s a force driving me on, I’ll follow it gladly

So let them laugh I don’t care

All I want is you by my side

Bend me shape me anyway you want me

Long as you love me it’s all right

Bend me shape me anyway you want me

You got the power to turn on the light

Ok…and it’s not only the songs on the radio…but the songs that were planted in my heart at church when I was a young girl….a hymn by Clara Scott…

Open my eyes that I may see…

Glimpses of truth though hast for me

Place in my hands that wonderful key

That shall unclasp and set me free

Silently now I wait for Thee

Ready my God Thy will to see

Open my eyes, illumine me…Spirit Divine…

Oh how divine….oh how divine it is to be in the presence of the Lord…and wonder and ponder the treasures He’s placed in my heart…and the treasure is His Spirit and the treasure is His Word…and the treasures are so many people whom I have met over the years…and more…and more…and more…oh so much more…but I don’t have the Words today…but the Word is in me…and it’s getting much clearer as I spend most my time with knowing Him…more intimately…oh my Lord…He wants this for all…and His love is so ravishing and wondrous and my heart and my soul is flooded right now…again blushing my dear…

And of course… Luke 11… reminded me of this precious song…that comes quickly to many…and the refrain is so strong…

This little light of mine…I’m gonna let it shine!

Won’t let satan blow it out…I’m gonna let it shine!

Shine all over the neighborhood…I’m gonna let it shine!

Hide it under a bushel…NO!…

I’m gonna let it shine…let it shine…let it shine…let it shine…

And this leads me to more scripture…and my continual questioning of ‘how many or how much of these revelations do I share?’…as much as possible?…only what flys off my fingers as I type and I edit…only after prayerfully considering instead of impulsively blurting? Hmmm, like Peter the rock...I’m learning.

And who do I share my light with?…anyone around…and I guess anyone who seeks…we are to shine the light for all to see…and as the darkness is revealed…and hidden things are exposed…it is not to shame or to blame or to hurt or even for me to do the change…but as the darkness is brought to light…those things in the recesses of the heart…are revealed and healed…and the truth is the cure…and the truth is His love and His light is so pure…and the hidden and dark things that we try to push down…really have not the power that we think that desire has over our thoughts or our lives…cause the light dispels the darkness…and it removes the revealed…we become holy …we become clean…in transparency…it’s not always easy to do…but once it’s swept clean…to fill it up with His Spirit…by meeting with Him…and relating mostly and continually to Him…and the dirt & the trash have no room to move back in! Praise God…the chains are being dragged away!

Luke 11:33-36—No one lights a lamp and then hides it or puts in under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where its light can be seen by all who enter the house. Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when it is bad, your body is filled with darkness. Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness. If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.

When I think I’m too much…or when I don’t do enough…as I read his love letters…he assures me…as I am listening to His voice…He tells me what to do…and as I hear and obey…and do what I do…and today it is living and loving and forgiving…and hanging on the cross with the nail holding me there…until I can say…yes, Lord forgive them for they know not what they’re doing…and mean it…not just say it…but believe it…and pray for the fear of the Lord to be taught and learned as I speak…and that not only them…but also that me…that I learn and continue to learn the reverence of the Lord…and trust God to speak…and trust God to comfort…and trust God to bring us back to life…after the death to our own selfish ambitions and desires.

Psalm 116…I love the LORD because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!

Let everything that has breath…Praise the Lord!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Rocks, rocks, and more rocks?

The Lord speaks to me of flint, and stone, and bedrock and even the debris…and what is found in the trash sometimes…oh yes, there may be gold in dem dere hills!

First there is the rock, THE blessed rock of my salvation…and as I’ve written previously…I’ve been realizing more about what I must do to remove some old rocks that keep appearing in my life. And now the story of the foundation…the bedrock on which we must stand…appears in my reading of the Bible.

Luke 6:46-49…the whole story…I cannot take it out of context…there is so much truth of the wise versus the foolish builders!

Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.

I could say so much about this story of course…and it would be worthwhile to expound…but this I’ll say…yes I have built my house upon the bedrock of faith in God the Father…and when the storms appear on the horizon…and when they hit my astonished soul…the flood may come and the storm may rage…but my house is not ruined because the foundation remains…and although the damage may be heard or seen…the damage was only in a false refuge you see.

Ok the other story now I’ve just been told…about our lives…and how much value they hold…has to do with a sermon I recently heard…of how God wants us to work with Him to take out the trash. Cause the warning is real…and the woe’s may be true (Luke 12)… and although many have been saved…there is yet saving to do…so we must not just live our lives as we did before…with the false assumption that our lives can be filled with trashy ways, trashy thoughts, trashy words…and that the trash must be taken out…and removed…and now this next thing I heard from the Lord on my own…and it is this…

He can turn trash into treasure…He can turn rock into pools of living water…it’s never hopeless you see…but it requires us to be…listening to His voice...spending time with Him…and then obey what He tells us to do…and even though it might be painful…and we may get scratches or even drop some rocks on our toes or our heads…as we obey…and the rocks are mined…guess what is in dem dere mines?

There are jewels and precious metals galore…and this is what He has in store…that these beautiful jewels will be seen…and these precious metals will be made into rings…rings of covenant…rings of commitment…and love and fidelity…and I AM NOT speaking of worldly prosperity…but His lovely blessings galore…oh how His promises are so sure! And if our lives happen to have material wealth I am confident we must be diligent and pray for our souls…since this wealth seems to deceive…then what was once the Kingdom of God…appears to be full of the kingdom of the world…as the wealth is played…and all the games of the world come into the church…while the trash still needs to be taken away…and the treasures are dying to be freed…polished…and used for the glory of God.

Now let me make this clear…so you know I’m not referring to any ‘one’ person…except the person of the Son of Man and the Son of God Himself. Yes, it is Him who speaks and whom I obey…as I risk the saying of things that are sometimes hard to say…to the one or the two…or the many that I do…but I will trust Him until my dying days…and beyond…because it is in the fear of the Lord…yes, the true reverence of Him…that wisdom is gained…and life eternal with Him.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Psalm 114:7, 8 - New Living Translation

Tremble, O earth, at the presence of the Lord, at the presence of the God of Jacob.

He turned the rock into a pool of water; yes, a spring of water flowed from solid rock.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

A ROCK IS A HARD PLACE...BUT NOT IMMOVABLE

No one who puts her hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.

Then another said, "I'm ready to follow you, Master, but first excuse me while I get things straightened out at home." Jesus said, "No procrastination. No backward looks. You can't put God's kingdom off till tomorrow. Seize the day."-Luke 9:61 ,62 Message Bible

So…my hand is to the plow…I am following…am I not? But guess what? My field…the field has some rocks…and yes…I have looked back…at times…and wondered if I should have or not…but still…I am following…but I keep running into rocks.

My hands are on the plow…I’m only looking back long enough to observe my surroundings…you know…like when driving a car…maybe I shouldn’t even do that…hmmm do the terms offensive or defensive driving speak to you? Offensive brings to mind impatience and rudeness…and defensive…well, just trying to avoid people…hmmm, no backwards looks…ok…I’ll need help with this one Lord.

But the rocks…although some are small enough to just turn over into the ground…yes, they are not so big as to prevent forward movement…but there have been some rocks that I couldn’t turn over…I couldn’t move…and it’s taking up oh so much of the field…a couple of them are way too big…I see no way of moving those monoliths…so I have just gone around them…maybe kicked them as passing…or stopped in the shade…

But there have been some rocks…that I knew could be moved if I could only get someone to help me…would anyone help me? I asked…but they were busy coming from or going to one of many destinations…or they were weary from moving the rocks from their own field…or oh well…for many various and even valid reasons.

But occasionally I would find a person…who would stop…and hear about this rock…and they would come look at the rock with me…and we would pray for understanding or that the rock would be moved…but I guess we didn’t have enough faith…cause although the rock rocked at times…it settled again.

And I must not forget…that most of the time…I believed that these rocks were the results of my own jaded past…so if the rock would be moved…it would certainly have to be…with my own strength and initiative…cause honestly…whether those rocks were generational or gained in my own time…those rocks weren’t anyone else’s problem…only just mine.

Then I started looking around for rock movers…you know the type…lean, muscular, lots of energy, friendly…and guess what? They would come to look at the rock with me too…but they couldn’t agree on how to move the rock…either they wanted to lead…or they didn’t trust the leader…cause they’d been wounded too many times from rocks dropped on them when they listened to leaders before…so was it a waste of time…trying to get those strong ones to help? Alas, yes, too much energy expended.

So…I think I know the solution…I need to meet someone with access to heavy equipment…you know…the type of crane that can pick up a rock…and lift it into a truck…or just out of the way…take it out of the field. Or maybe I need dynamite…dynomite!! Bang! Boom! Kaboom!!!!!!!! Blast that rock to smithereens!!!!

Now both of these could work I guess…but I don’t know anyone with access to these…and I’m not confident someone might not be hurt in the process…if you know someone in this skill…and you’re sure it won’t be detrimental…let me know…hmmm…and we’ll see.

So what? Just keep going around the rock? Nah…I decided to stop for awhile and keep chipping away with a hammer and chisel…and there are some who will help…chip away at the big massive rock…and this might take a long time…but maybe some big chunks…a vein in the rock might be reached…and then the time element won’t be as long as I think…but in any case, I have hope…that as we pray and chip and move and drag away this debris…some day…I will be able to turn over that ground that is under that rock…and plant some awesome seeds!

A song…of course…

Well, I’ve got a hammer I hammer in the morning
I hammer in the evening all over this land
I hammer out danger I hammer out a warning
I hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land


I have a song I sing it in the morning I sing it in the evening all over this land
I sing out danger I sing out a warning
I sing out love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land


Well I've got a hammer and I've got a chisel
And I've got a song to sing all over this land
It's a hammer of justice it's a song so free to sing

It's about God’s love for all my brothers and my sisters all over the world

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Oh Carol, Beware of your mighty proclamations!

I sometimes struggle and strain…you know, you’ve seen it in writings…that I share…and I come out on top…or out of the cocoon…and see the beauty and freedom I can enjoy as I seek Him…and you’ve seen this also…in my writings…and some of those of you…in my life…but only if I share.

But this morning…in fact each day for the past few weeks…I have been getting revelations of truth as I read, pray and seek. And while the revelation is not untrue…my immaturity is revealed…sometimes a bit later when I feel some conviction…but like Peter I see…I am imbalanced at times…and impulsive…and zealous to stand up and fight. But the Lord is teaching me…and shouldn’t I have already learned this? That Jesus did not come with a sword…yes, the old covenant was the sword many times…but Jesus continually served and taught and was compassionate with the hurting…and sometimes spoke harsh words to those who would try to hurt Him…but He never picked up the sword. In fact we know what He did…do we not…He went to the cross.

When Peter proclaimed he would never deny Him, When Peter proclaimed he would never let the death of Jesus happen, when Peter picked up the sword…and cut off the ear of a soldier at the garden where they came to take Jesus away to be crucified…Jesus rebuked him and told Peter to put away the sword…and healed the enemies wound…and went with them…cause He knew what He must do…and He told us too…prior to this He’d been teaching them…in order to follow after Him…they would have to deny themselves…and to pick up the cross…and follow after Him. And when I think I understand…but then I pick up the sword…when I see a loved one hurt…I see like Peter in my zealous, righteous anger I feel…that I lash out and try to protect with the sword…when in fact…Jesus told me what to do…and that is to go to the cross…and to die to my way of thinking…and to just love…just forgive them for they know not what they do…and hopefully they will learn to forgive me…in my ignorance too.

It is finished…the sacrifice of Jesus is complete…He suffered, He died, He remained in the grave…for three days…but death could not hold Him…He defeated the enemy and death with our sins…and He’s alive and lives in the hearts of those who choose Him.

So I follow after Him…in my weaknesses and foibles…and I speak out as much as I know to do…but now I look for the rebuke…and pray for His grace and mercy…to fine tune this work of art…He tells me I’m a master piece…but I’m not finished yet…and I’m not boldly proclaiming…cause today I am tired…and yes, I’m so thankful for understanding…but I still cannot deny unforgiveness I carry for abusers of women…and abusers of men…and even after they repent…I grieve for the damage they have caused in their tyranny…but I am required to forgive…it is what is best for me…and you…and the abuser too. And but for the grace of God…there go I…I have been an abuser too.

My dear loved ones…beloved…some of you may think I am thinking specifically of you as I write…and I am…and I am not. I am thinking mostly of the text in Joshua this morning…all the bloody killing that the Lord commanded…the Old Testament…but also of the new covenant…the blood of Jesus…and the cross…it did away with the old…and now we are new. He has given us a new heart, a heart of flesh. He has told us to not put new wine into old wineskins…I never understood this before…but basically today I see…and my seeing is still incomplete…is that I must stop abusing myself…and expecting too much of others and judging others by their past. It does not mean I have to be in relationship with them…but I am required to forgive…and love…and give them new wine…and see their new skins. If anyone has the desire or ability to explain this to me…or yes, even correct me…I would gladly and hopefully graciously receive this.

Also, I sometimes have the thought…oh I wish I could take all my words back…because as I learn more…I see more clearly…but I now realize…this moment…that if I didn’t share my thoughts, my defects, my weaknesses, my proclamations…no one would know who was on the inside of this sometimes polished…many times unpolished body…and it is only in exposing my joy and sorrow and struggles…that I am getting the healing needed. Why me? Why now? Why you? Why Peter? I don’t know for sure…but I know God wants us whole and more centered on Him and others…and in balance.

Oh to remove those writings of immaturity…but that I could? If Peter were here today…would he want the same? I hope not…cause I learn so much …we can learn so much and so much more by humbly looking at their failings…and then seeing ours…it is so difficult sometimes…but it is needed…in fact in order to be effective…and compassionate…and humble…it is required.

Last, but perhaps not least…a couple songs that keep going through my head…and I must stress…the words have been changed to not disparage anyone or myself…

But…

Shame, shame shame,

Shame, shame, shame

Shame, shame, shame…….

Carol, you fool…(to the tune of Aretha Franklin’s …song of Chains)

Then the Lord’s response to me…

Oh Carol, you are not a fool

Darling I love you, though you’re sometimes cruel

You hurt me…when you turn away

Oh Carol…I am here always.

Though yes you may act foolish

Please don’t ever fear

Darling you will always be my sweetheart

For I love you so

Don’t ever leave me

Say you’ll never go

Say there will never be another

For I love you so

Carol I love you

This you must always know

The Neil Sedaka version…is about a Carol…even a Carol I’ve admired…but his desire for her is immature…and need I say co-dependent? Eh hem…yes my friend. And I am learning…that the deepest longing of my heart…as I don’t stuff my desires…with food or other forms of escape…is that while it would be/could be a wondrous thing to have a man desire my person…he can’t meet those deepest longings for belonging…only the Fathers love truly can…and in community…and in relationship…and in learning to be real is the only way to be more often in His will.

Love you,

Carol Queen Eileen…

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Hopkins, Minnesota, United States
A mother of two adult children...and a mother to many more adopted in the Kingdom of God. Grandmother to three. Lover of Jesus, The Way, The Truth, The Life, justice, learning, teaching, authenticity, discernment, and praying. I process by writing my thoughts to get to the truth...but most times there are too many words to wade through. A picture of myself I've seen, is like a scuba diver who jumps in the ocean with all the equipment in place, but rises too quickly at times and gets nauseated, but the picture is only a warning...not that I shouldn't go deep...but to come up more slowly in order to keep...my health.